School — best jokes

'You never get anything right,' complained the teacher. 'What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school?'
'Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.'

- School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis?

- Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.

"Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael?" she asked. "No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

Where do religious school children practice sports?
→ In the prayground!

- Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?

- Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

- Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?

- Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

- Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?

- Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

- Teacher: What's 2 and 2?

- Pupil: 4

- Teacher: That's good.

- Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.

Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"