Random joke from this category
Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
Prove: Barney is satanic
The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for printing, meaning the Roman representation would for Barney would be:
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
Extracting the Roman numerals, we have:
CV V L DI V
And their decimal equivalents are:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
Adding those numbers produces: 666.
666 is the number of the Beast.
Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN!
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is allowed entry to Heaven.
The second man offers a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier that evening. He too is allowed entry to Heaven.
The third man reaches into his pocket and produces a pair of panties.
Confused at the man's gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do panties represent Christmas?"
The man replies, "Oh, they're Carol's."
What did Jesus do when he got to the Holiday Inn?
→ He threw some nails down on the counter and asked, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Why can't Jesus eat M & M's?
→ Because they fall through the holes in his hands.
If god had wanted us to run around naked, we would have been born that way.
What happened to the Pope when he visited Mount Olive?
→ Popeye almost killed him.
What is It?
Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Maddona does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?
→ A Last name
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to Heaven.
