Relationships — best jokes

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.

"Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is."

Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet, sensitive men in this world?
→ Because they already have boyfriends!

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"

The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."

The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "I'm going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses."

She quickly answered, "George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! Abraham Lincoln!"

Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything."

"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"No," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"N-n-no," the girl replied.

"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the level about this."

On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks:

- Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee?

- Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date.

The guy thinks for a minute and says: Well, what about the last date?

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"

The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got!"

It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber.

Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief.

He went on, "What do you think about me?"

"But this isn't an engagement ring." the young lady protested. "Why it's just a tiny unset diamond."

"Yeah! I know." said the fellow, "And, it'll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are."

If at first you don't succeed...
buy her another drink