Red Indian Jokes — best jokes

Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch.

- Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

- Indian: Dog no talk.

- Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going?

- Dog: Doin alright.

- Indian: [extreme look of shock]

- Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]

- Dog: Yep

- Cowboy: How's he treat you?

- Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.

- Indian: [look of disbelief]

- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?

- Indian: Horse no talk.

- Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?

- Horse: Cool.

- Indian: [extremer look of shock]

- Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]

- Horse: Yep

- Cowboy: How's he treat you?

- Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

- Indian: [total look of amazement]

- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep?

- Indian: Sheep Lie!!

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named "Clint", and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?"

Clint says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Clint grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Clint.

The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"

Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse.

Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there are hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come and they realise, they were surrounded. The indians had spread out. They were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says "Tonto, my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together but now I think we are doomed."

"We?" replied Tonto "What's all this we, Paleface?"

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn't you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.

"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the Indians"

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole.

- The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?"

- The Indian replied, "Many moons."

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
→ They had reservations.

The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor "Big Chief no fart." The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day. The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, "Big Chief no fart." The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ten pills an hour. The girl comes back the next day and says, "Big Chief no fart." After hearing this the doctor gets so pissed off that he tells her to give him a jar an hour. The next day the girl comes back crying and says "Big fart no Chief!"

One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says "Big Chief, no shit". the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow.

The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morning the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no shit". the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.

The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again saying "big chief, no shit". the doctor gets annoyed and so gives the warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.

The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN): "Big shit, no chief".

With a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked, "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived," she explained. The Mother Indian paused for a moment then asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
→ The Indy 500.