Red Indian Jokes — best jokes

The privilege of naming all the children of the tribe always fell to the chief.

One day a small Indian boy asked him how he chose the names for all the children.

"Well, my son," the chief replied, "When I step out of my tepee, I name each child after the first thing I see."

For instance, when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a pale moon rising, I say - you shall be called, Pale-Moon-Rising."

"And when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a hawk flying over, I say - you shall be called, Hawk-Flying-Over."

"So why do you ask, Big-Dog Pooping?"

Ther was this Indian chief, and he had three wives. They slept in the same tent. One on a bear skin, one on a buffalo skin and one on a hippopotamus skin.

After a time the three had children. The one that slept on the bear skin had a baby boy, the one on the buffalo skin had a baby girl, and the one on the hippopotamus skin had a baby boy and a baby girl, proving that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the sqaws on the other two hides!!!

A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?" The Indian answered, "Eggs." The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony."

Thirteen years later the traveler's train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same Indian sitting on the train platform.

The tourist went up and said jovially, "How!" The Indian answered, "Scrambled."

Did you hear about the Indian who drank 200 cups of tea?
→ He drowned in his TeePee!

One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, "Buffalo Come!"

And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"

Tonto replied, "Ear stuck to ground..."

A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east.

He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land".

The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?"

"Yeah," says the city-slicker.

"Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"

Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."

"Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy.

"This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"

The Indian looks up and says...

"Ran over me about a half hour ago."

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

"Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?

"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm", she said.

Then he asked "Why is my sister named Cornflower"?

"Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her", she replied.

He then asked "And why is my other sister called Moonchild"?

"We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived", the mother replies.

The mother paused and said to her son...

"Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know - you left your Injun running..."

A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happen upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle Of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop. The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing. The tribesman began to speak... "woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, Four door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h." "That's amazing" exclaimed the father. "You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground"? "No", said the old tribesman. "They just ran over me five minutes ago"!

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?"

"Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man.

"What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

"Don't know of collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"I don't know; it has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Put it in my pocket."

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked.

"I don't know of deposit."

"Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"