Mom/Dad Jokes — best jokes

"Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband, "Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia."

"Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon. "Let him walk to school like I did."

Down at the office Bostwick boasted to one of his buddies, "My son Arthur is smarter even than Abraham Lincoln.

Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn't say it till he was fifty!"

At dinner, Seth said to his father, "Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your fault."

"How's that?" asked the master of the house.

"Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well, 'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer."

"What are you reading?" demanded the father of his seven-year-old.

"A story about a cow jumping over the moon," was the reply.

"Throw that book away at once," he commanded.

"How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?"

An irate father stormed into the principal's office. "I demand to know," he screamed, "why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination."

"Now, don't get excited," said the principal. "We'll get your Winslow's English teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation."

A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived.

"Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final?" demanded the father.

"I had no choice," said the schoolmarm. "He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it."

"That's no excuse," shouted the father. "You could have at least given him an 'A' for neatness!"

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom.

"Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!"

"Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!"

Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?"

- Son: What is an autobiography?

- Father: Er, the story of an automobile.

"Dad, why do you write so slow?" asked Dennis.

"I have to," replied his father. "I'm a slow reader."

- Dad, do you believe in Buddha?

- Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good.

- Papa, who was Hamlet?

- You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was.