Guest
Two Faults of Men
Women's faults are many, men have only 2: Everything they say and everything they do.
Men Jokes — best jokes
- All
- Animal Jokes 3869
- April Fools Jokes 10
- At Work 856
- Aviation Jokes 339
- Bar Jokes 445
- Blonde Jokes 1226
- Business Jokes 842
- Camping Jokes 88
- Celebrities 657
- Christmas Jokes 343
- Clean Jokes 1299
- Comedian Jokes 85
- Computer Jokes 800
- Dirty Jokes 3278
- Doctor Jokes 989
- Drunks 538
- Dumb Jokes 1114
- Elderly Jokes 636
- Ethnic 982
- Farming Jokes 327
- Festival Jokes 300
- Food Jokes 1052
- Gender Jokes 298
- Golf Jokes 164
- Instrument Jokes 274
- Irish Jokes 242
- Kids Jokes 2024
- Language Jokes 1361
- Lawyer Jokes 565
- Marriage Jokes 1855
- Medicine 1113
- Men Jokes 959
- Military Jokes 384
- Mom/Dad Jokes 674
- Ouch 850
- Police Jokes 668
- Political Jokes 751
- Practical Jokes 33
- Red Indian Jokes 66
- Redneck Jokes 248
- Relationships 775
- Religion 1283
- School 906
- Science 461
- Sex Jokes 935
- Situations 1812
- Sport Jokes 602
- Stats/Math Jokes 214
- Travel Jokes 715
- War 134
- Women Jokes 1241
- Yo Mama Jokes 333
Random joke from this category
Guest
The Garden of Eden
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
Guest
Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew
Rules that guys wished girls knew...
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
- Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
- Don't cut your hair. Ever.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
- Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat.
- Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
- Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is not a sport.
- Anything you wear is fine. Really.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
- Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot.
- Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
- No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
- Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
- Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
- Check your oil.
- Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
- Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
- It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz in Cosmo together.
- Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
- Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
- You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - but not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
- Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
- Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
- Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
- Anyone can buy condoms.
Guest
Lifestyles of Men and Women
Women's Lifestyles Through the Ages
DRINK
- 17... Wine coolers
- 25... White wine
- 35... Red wine
- 48... Dom Perignon
- 66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
- 17... Need to wash my hair
- 25... Need to wash and condition my hair
- 35... Need to color my hair
- 48... Need to have Francois color my hair
- 66... Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
- 17... shopping
- 25... shopping
- 35... shopping
- 48... shopping
- 66... shopping
FAVORITE DRUG
- 17... shopping
- 25... shopping
- 35... shopping
- 48... shopping
- 66... shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
- 17... "Burger King"
- 25... "Free meal"
- 35... "A diamond"
- 48... "A bigger diamond"
- 66... "Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
- 17... tall, dark and handsome
- 25... tall, dark and handsome with money
- 35... tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
- 48... a man with hair
- 66... a man
HOUSE PET
- 17... Muffy the cat
- 25... Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
- 35... Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
- 48... Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
- 66... Retired husband who dabbles in taxidermy and stuffs Muffy the Cat
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
- 17... 17
- 25... 25
- 35... 35
- 48... 48
- 66... 66
IDEAL DATE
- 17... He offers to pay
- 25... He pays
- 35... He cooks breakfast the next morning
- 48... He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
- 66... He can chew breakfast
Men's Lifestyles Through the Ages
DRINK
- 17... Beer
- 25... Beer
- 35... Scotch
- 48... Double scotch
- 66... Maalox
SEDUCTION LINE
- 17... My parents are away for the weekend.
- 25... My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
- 35... My fiancee is away for the weekend.
- 48... My wife is away for the weekend.
- 66... My second wife is dead.
FAVORITE SPORT
- 17... Sex
- 25... Sex
- 35... Sex
- 48... Sex
- 66... Napping
FAVORITE DRUG
- 17... Pot
- 25... Cocaine
- 35... Really good cocaine
- 48... Power
- 66... Advil
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
- 17... Cop a feel
- 25... Breakfast
- 35... She didn't set back my therapy
- 48... I didn't bump into her kids.
- 66... An actual erection
FAVORITE FANTASY
- 17... Third base
- 25... Airplane sex
- 35... Menage a trois
- 48... Taking her company public
- 66... Swiss maid and/or Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET
- 17... Roaches (to be burned later)
- 25... Old college roommate
- 35... Irish setter
- 48... Children from her first marriage
- 66... Barbi
THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED
- 17... 25
- 25... 35
- 35... 48
- 48... 66
- 66... 17
IDEAL DATE
- 17... Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
- 25... Split the check before we go back to my place
- 35... Just come over
- 48... Just come over and cook
- 66... Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas to see Frank
Guest
Different Opinions
Everybody knows there are different opinions to everything. Here are some.
- A smoking section in a restaraunt is like a peeing section in a pool.
- Always look on the negative side, so you'll never be dissapointed.
- Men are like snow storms, you never know how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
Real Men Lightbulb
How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
Downtown Difference
What's the difference between a faggot and a queer?
→ A faggot won't go downtown with you to beat up queers!
Guest
Sensitive Men
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
→ Because all those men already have boyfriends.
Guest
Rejection Lines From Men
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)
- I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
- There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
- I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
- My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
- I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
- I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
- It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
- I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
- I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
- Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
Guest
Male Chauvinist Pig
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
→ A woman that won't do what she's told.