Marriage Jokes — best jokes

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
→ He liked to chop and change!

Why didn't the female frog lay eggs?
→ Because her husband spawned her affections!

- Wife: You look tired, honey. How about a nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?

- Husband: No thanks. I'm too tired. Let's just eat at home.

- Wife: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.

- Husband: Which is this?

- Why can't you make bread like my mother?

- I would if you could make dough like your father!

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house.

He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife.

"What a terrible weather today, honey." he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot went fishing!"

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
→ I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.

"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.

"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.

"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"

"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."

One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.

Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"

Bob then replies "It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."