Language Jokes — best jokes

What kind of thief steals meat?
→ A hamburglar.

What hired killer never goes to jail?
→ The exterminator.

How do bank robbers send messages?
→ By flee mail!

What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver?
→ I'm at your service, ma'am.

- Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?

- Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

What is the definition of "moon"?
→ The past tense of "moo"!

What is the definition of "derange"?
→ De place where de cowboys ride!

On what kind of ships do students study?
→ Scholarships.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
→ Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.