Random joke from this category
- Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
- Little Johnny: I is...
- Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."
- Little Johnny: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"
Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."
Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."
"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"
Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
Once when Mary was young her school had a halloween party for themmary decided to go as a pirate after she had donned her costume shewent into the family room to show her family they were impressed.
Mom said you look terrific mary you have your sabre,and your parrot onyour shoulder,and look you even have a neat sack to carry your booty,butwhere are your buccaneers?
Says Mary, my buccaneers are under my buccanhat!
What do you call Batman and Robbin run over?
→ Flatman and Ribbon.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive brethren.
Old Phrase → New Phrase
Why don't oysters give to charity?
→ Because they're shellfish.
There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could.
Which cat drowned?
→ Un-deux-trois cat sank
(un deux trois quatre cinq)
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
R.A.P.: Retards Attempting Poetry
