Language Jokes — best jokes

Below are fine examples of what happens when marketing translations fail to reach a foreign country in an understandable way.

Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem-Feeling Free", was translated into the Japanese market as "When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read English.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into "Schweppes Toilet Water."

Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave," in Chinese.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
French fried ships - Cairo
Garlic Coffee - Europe
Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
Boiled Frogfish - Europe
Sweat from the trolley - Europe
Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
Roasted duck let loose - Poland
Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
Fried friendship - Nepal
Strawberry crap - Japan
Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
Toes with butter and jam - Bali
French Creeps - L.A.
Fried fishermen - Japan
Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan
Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania

Product Names

Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues
Kolic - Japanese mineral water
Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer
Swine - Chinese chocolates
Libido - Chinese soda
Pocari Sweat - Japanese sport drink
Shocking - Japanese chewing gum
Cat Wetty - Japanese moistened hand towels
Pipi - Yugoslavian orangeade
Polio - Czechoslovakian laundry detergent
Crundy - Japanese gourmet candy
Superglans - Netherlands car wax
I'm Dripper - Japanese instant coffee
Zit - Greek soft drink
Colon Plus - Spanish detergent

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

• Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
• Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
• Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
• Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
• Bimbag - a blonde's purse
• Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
• Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
• Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
• Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
• Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
• Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
• Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
• Bimboette - a young blonde
• Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
• Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
• Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
• Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
• Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
• Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
• Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
• Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
• Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
→ A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

It was general question time on the "Top of the World" quiz show and the host first asked the Hungarian contestant: "Complete this line of a song and spell your answer - Old MacDonald had a ...." The Hungarian answered quickly: "Station - S T A T I O N."

Next it was the Polish contestant who was asked the same question: "Old MacDonald had a ...." "Ranch," was the reply, "R A N C H."

Finally the Irishman was asked the same question: "Old MacDonald had a...." "Farm," the Irishman proudly stated.

"Correct," said the host. "Now spell the word farm."

The Irishman thought for a moment. "E I E I O."

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.

Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and

Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St. Nicholas would arrive; and

Whereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; and

Whereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and

Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; and

Whereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; and

Whereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the aforesaid animals by their appellations, as follows:

"Your immediate co-operation is requested. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen; and collective action by you will be much appreciated, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen"; and

Whereas, subsequent to the above, there occurred a swift descent to the hearth by the aforementioned gentleman, where he proceeded to deposit gratuities in the aforementioned tubular coverings.

Now, therefore, be ye advised: that upon completion of these acts, and upon his return to his original point of departure, he proclaimed a felicitation of the type prevalent and suitable to these occasions, i.e.:

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want.