Kids Jokes — best jokes

A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked:

"It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision.'"

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.

- Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.

- Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.

- Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off.

- Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the floor.

- Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads.

- Dad: No, I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself.

- Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs.

- It's all right Dad, I know how!

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

'Teddy,' he called, 'how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.'

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

'That's better,' said his father. 'Now will you always come down stairs like that?'

'Suits me,' said Teddy. 'I slid down the bannister.'

Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She raced into the kitchen where her husband was making dinner.

"Hey!" she announced. "This is terrible! I just caught Matthew lighting a cigar!"

"You put a stop to that right now," he shouted.

"That kid is altogether too young to be playing with matches!"

Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at the dinner table when the boy suddenly blurted out, "Gee, you're dumb, Mom. You don't know anything."

"Now, son," scolded Bentley, "you musn't be picky about your mother's little faults."

"Dad," said Rickey, "what is electricity?"

"Uh," replied his father, "I don't really know too much about electricity."

A few minutes later the boy said, "How does gas make the engine go?"

"Son, I'm afraid I don't know much about motors."

"Dad," said the boy, "what is anthropology?"

"Anthropology?" The father frowned. "I really don't know."

"Gee, Dad, I guess I'm making a nuisance of myself."

"Not at all, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything."