Kids Jokes — best jokes

A little girl asked Santa to send her a sister. Santa said on one condition, send me your mother.

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. "Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..."
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left.

"So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned home.

"Great," Little Jordan replied.

"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked Elaine.

"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan, excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

"Hey, Pop," pleaded Angelo, "can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?"

"What's the matter with you?" asked his father.

"Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?"

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.

Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.

"Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..."

"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.

"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
→ A witch in soggy trainers.

What has handles and flies?
→ A witch in a garbage can.

What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
→ To keep their hats pointed.

Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat?
→ To keep her head warm.