Kids Jokes — best jokes

- Trevor: That's a cool pair of stockings you have on Jill. One red and one green.

- Jill: Yes, and I have another pair just like it at home.

- Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper.

- Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it

- Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted?

- Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

Mary arrived home from school covered in spots.

- Whatever's the matter? - asked her mother.

- I don't know - replied Mary.

- but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.

- I told you not eat cake before supper.

- But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.

On the first day at school the girls were sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on each other.

- I come from a one-parent family - said one little girl proudly.

- That's nothing. Both my parents remarried after they got divorced. I come from a four parent family!

A little girl was next in line.

- My name's Curtain - she said.

- I hope your first name is not Agnate?

- No, it's velvet!

Two girls were talking in the corridor.

- That boy over there is getting on my nerves - said Clarrie.

- But he's not even looking at you - replied Clara.

- That's what's getting on my nerves - retorted Clarrie.

'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma?'

John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video.

- Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that? - asked his father suspiciously.

- It's OK, Dad - replied John.

- I've traded the TV in for it.