Food Jokes — best jokes

Why don't blondes double their recipes?
→ The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Waiter to customer: "Our specialty is snails."

"I know. One of them served me the last time I was here!"

So you think your life is bad...

Just think how bad the life of an egg is...

You only get laid once
You only get eaten once
It takes 4 minutes to get hard and 2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with 11 other guys
And the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.

To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Banana!

- Banana who?

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Banana!

- Banana who?

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Banana!

- Banana who?

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Orange!

- Orange who?

- Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!

What is red and dangerous?
→ Strawberry and tarantula jelly!

What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them?
→ Mice Krispies!

What does a man consider a seven course meal?
→ A hot dog and a six pack of beer!

One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."

The local board of health closed down the Wing Wah Chinese restaurant in South Dennis, Mass., briefly in August for various violations.

The most serious, said officials, was the restaurant's practice of draining water from cabbage by putting it in cloth laundry bags, placing them between two pieces of plywood in the parking lot, and driving over them with a van.

Said Health Director Ted Dumas, "I've seen everything now."