Food Jokes — best jokes

Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
→ It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?
→ "Does this taste funny to you?"

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories -- the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. Food that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10. Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.

What does a blonde make best for dinner?
→ Reservations.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
→ Because they can't get their head in the jar.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
→ Butter is difficult to spread.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
→ Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Why don't blondes eat Jello?
→ They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
→ They both wriggle when you eat them.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
→ 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
→ Three. . . one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
→ Two. . . one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.