Ethnic — best jokes

An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000 Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"

The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another wad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000 Rps and put his hand out for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.

He questiond bitterly "Ooh! vy less !!??" Whereupon the cashier replied "Fluctuations!"

He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!" I'm going back to Delhi!!!

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you."

A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.

Ray listened patiently.

- That's amazing. Where I come from there's really only one.

"Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one? And which way is that?"

- Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . .

"Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"

What do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?
→ A slap happy Jappy, with a crap happy pappy.

What do the Chinese call a 69????
→ Two can chew!!

Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?
→ He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.

Why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?
→ He only had 2 cars.

The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend."

"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.

"Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there."

"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.

On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant.

"Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,... don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."

The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I have. I have."

Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."

The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build."

Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis."

The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump. At least one of you will survive."

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, "God Save The Queen," and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, "Viva La France," and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, "Remember the Alamo," and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.