Ethnic — best jokes

Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
An' all ower de hood
ereybody wuz' sleepin'
Dey wuz sleepin' good
We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de' heck
That ol Sanna Clause
Be bringin' our check
All o'de fambily
Wuz layin in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Dance tru' dey heads
I passed out inna' flo
Right nex to my Maw
When I heard sech a fuss
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
'spectin' de sheriff
Wif a warrent fo sho
And what did I see
I said, "Lawd look at dat!!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon
Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years
Santa Clause, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite
Faster dan a Po'lees car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on 'Lonzo
And on Willie Lee
On Saphire, on Chenequa
Dey wuz a site to see!!

As he landed dat watta' mellon
Out der in da skreet
I knowed it was fo' sho'
Da damndest site I ebber did see
He didn't go down no chimbley
He picked da' lock on my doe
An' I sez to myself "Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!"

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I 'xpect
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
To wear roun' my neck
But he not leevin no prezents
Jus stealing my shit
Got my drugs, got my guns
Got my crack pipe...still lit!

Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da window he flewed
I woudda' tried to cut him
But he stoled my 'nife too!!

He jumped on dat wadda' mellon
An' whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a seccon'
Dat sum of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin'
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause
Jus' ain't werf a shit!!!

Murry Crimmus

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."

A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "80."

The robot then said, "So, how are things in Poland these days?"

Guy walks into a bar, sits downs and starts to make conversation with guy at next table. "Want to hear the worlds's worst Polish Joke?" #2 says "Sure, but before you tell it, let me tell you something. See those two bikers over there by the door-real mean motherfuckers-??? They're Polish. And those two bouncers by the bar? They're Polish too! The Bartender?? Polish!! And one more thing pal, I'm Polish too!!! Now..... still want to tell that joke?"

"Hell no!", replies #1, "I don't want to have to explain it 6 times!"

I heard they closed the zoo in Warsaw. The duck died.

Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car?
→ He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.

Why do Polish dogs have flat noses?
→ From chasing parked cars.

A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road.

On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road.

Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was.

The Polak replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."

There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental.

The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building.

Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building.

The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking.

He responded by saying, "Because I pack my own lunch."

What do you get when you cross a 1-legged Polak with a Mongoloid?
→ A Polaroid One-Step.

Did you hear about the Polak who studied for 5 days?
→ He was scheduled to take a urine test.