Doctor Jokes — best jokes

- Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

- Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

- Doctor, you've gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. I eat bananas, bananas come out.

- That's easy. Eat shit!

- My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

- Oh, really?

- Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

- How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

- Cut your head off!

- Look here, doc! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

- I am, bit by bit!

Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God!

- I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!

- Never mind, you'll pass eventually.

- But I'm the examiner!

- My tummy is getting awfully big, doctor.

- You should diet.

- Really? What color?

- You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.

- But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

- See, what did I tell you!

- Please tell me, doctor, am I getting better?

- I think so. But to be sure, let me feel your wallet...