Doctor Jokes — best jokes

- Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell!

- Just take these pills - and, if they don't work, give me a ring!

The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to know.
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world record?'

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke to the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

"Doctor," said the patient, "I need help! I can't stop acting like a cat!"

"How long have you had this problem?" the doctor asked.

"Lest's see," said the patient, "Mom had the litter in '41."

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine," said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

- First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"

- Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."

- Doctor, Doctor! My sister thinks she's an elevator.

- Tell her to come in.

- I can't. She doesn't stop at this floor.

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

What did the blonde's dentist find?
→ Teeth in the cavity.

There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.

Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all lost their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the right to play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a lot, but being blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball, let alone finding it after it's hit.

The priest said, "Oh my this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little prayer for these courageous souls."

The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send them to a friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works wonders."

The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at night?"