Doctor Jokes — best jokes

- Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm God.

- When did this start?

- Well, first I created the sun, then the earth.

Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.

How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.

How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility?
→ She's the one with dirty knees.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?
→ Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse practitioner warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies."

A coffin was being moved when it fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the morticians started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, "Doc, quick, give me something to stop this coffin."

- Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better today!

- Camper: It should, I practised all night!

Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight hours.'
The nurse was shocked. 'How awful. What happened?'
'I fell asleep!'

- Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week?

- Patient: No, I'm sick now.