Business Jokes — best jokes

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

A man goes to his bank manager and says "I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?"

The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and replies "Buy a big one and wait"

Life Insurance Agent: Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.

Some professions

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, "Can I help? Have you lost something?"

"No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
→ When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

- Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.

- Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.

The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting mannerism. He kept winking.

"Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good references and experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all the time, it might put our customers off."

"No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid of it is to take a couple of aspirins."

So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled to see dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy duty varieties and every known brand of standard condom.

"Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winking stopped at once.

"Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to be womanising all over his territory."

"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married."

"Then how do you account for all of these things?"

"Simple, Did you ever go into a chemist winking all the time and ask for a packet of aspirins?"