Business Jokes — best jokes

God, I was wondering... how long is a million years to you?

God answered, "Son, a million years to me is like a second to you."

So the man asks, "God how much is a million dollars to you?"

And God answered, "Son a million dollars to me is like one penny to you."

So the man asks, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"

And God answers, "Just a second son."

On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked.

Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs.

"Get this guy, Chaim" laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross wearing pal, "He's trying to teach us how to do business!"

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept.

The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.

The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money into the air and what god wants, god takes."

I received a letter from my bank the other day, telling me, "This is the last time we're going to spend a quarter to tell you that you have fifteen cents!"

Did you hear that in New York State, the Stop And Shop grocery chain merged with the A & P?

Yup..now they call it the...

Stop & P.

If K-Tel sold toasters...

They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free set of Ginsu knives.

If Radio Shack made toasters...

The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Timex made toasters...

They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.

If Thinking Machines made toasters...

You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters...

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.