Business Jokes — best jokes

Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - now he owes fifty-five million.

When Bernard got fired from his last job they were really tough. They made him hand back his keys to the executive toilets, return his company credit card, give back his company car, and even give back his ulcer!

My husband's business is rather up-and-down - he makes yo-yos.

I'm always delighted when people stick their noses in my business - my company makes paper tissues.

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this."

He goes into Mr. Larson's office and comes back.

Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, "It's a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-in-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in an office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth...try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter.

"Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?"

"Fluctuations," says the clerk.

The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:

"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.