At Work — best jokes

- Tech Support: Which format are the images you send?

- Customer: Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters.

- Customer: It says I've performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done something wrong?

- Customer: Why didn't you tell me I have call waiting?

- Tech Support: Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting.

- Customer: Well, you should ask everybody!

- Tech Support: Do you have call waiting?

- Customer: What's that?

- Customer: Wait, that password looks really gray. I'm going to type it in again.

- Customer: I've been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automatically -- but there's a bug in it. The answers come out differently each time.

- Tech Support: Sir, are you aware that our program uses Monte-Carlo analysis?

- Customer: Of course I am. That's why I bought it.

- Tech Support: Sir, do you know what Monte-Carlo analysis does?

- Customer: Don't get rude with me, of course I do.

- Tech Support: Put briefly, sir, it runs through your project several times, throwing random delays in, and at the end it averages out the results.

- Customer: I know all that -- what I want to know is why it keeps giving me different answers every time I run it.

- Customer: Hi, I'm supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?

- Customer: My disk is stuck in my disk drive. Clicking eject doesn't work.

- Tech Support: Ok, turn the power to your Mac off, hold down the mouse clicker, and power the Mac back up.

- Customer: Look, I don't have three hands!

- Me: What is that noise?

- Customer: Hey Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!

- Me: What was that?

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

- Customer: It's from a device.

- Me: What kind of device?

- Customer: I don't know.

- Me: Like a fax machine or something?

- Customer: I don't know. Someone is under house arrest or something.

- Tech Support: How may I help you today, sir?

- Customer: Hello...hey, er... I think I've got the wrong software installed in my computer.

- Tech Support: Why is that, sir?

- Customer: I bought this minitower system from you, and it came loaded with software called the 'XYZ Desktop'.

- Tech Support: Yes...?

- Customer: Shouldn't it be called the 'XYZ Minitower'? I OBVIOUSLY have the wrong software installed in this computer.

- Customer: How do I print my voicemail?