Animal Jokes — best jokes

What does a lion call a antelope?
→ Fast food.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
→ Hehe...it doen't matter, it's not going to come anyway!

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
→ A headbanger

Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

A boy and girl octopus out on a date walked down the street arm in arm in arm in arm...

A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for old times' sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks, "Why are you doing that?"

The old bull answers, "I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!"

What has two legs, spots, and bleeds?
→ Half a cheetah.

For all animal lovers out there:

How do you make a cat go 'woof'?
→ Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. and...

How do you make a dog go 'miaow'?
→ Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...

What do you do with a dog with no legs?
→ Take it for a drag.

Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any ducks. "What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his companion. "I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we aren't throwing the dog up high enough."