Animal Jokes — best jokes

How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
→ Down in the mouth!

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
→ Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore?
→ Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)

What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee?
→ One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.

A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.

For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

- When you and I get out of here, - the jailbird said to the fly, - we're going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune.

Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.

At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking.

- What about this fly, eh? - he said to the bartender.

In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe.

- Glad you saw it, - muttered the bartender.

- Blasted things are everywhere.

A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby.

- Say, farmer. Is that bull safe?

- Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
→ Because their horns don't work.

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
→ An udder failure!

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
→ Laughing stock.

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
→ Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..