Animal Jokes — best jokes

How does the pig farmer get to the fair?
→ He rides piggyback.

Farmer Giles is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal

Farmer Brown put up a pig-shaped weather vane, but he's not happy with it.
Instead of pointing with the wind, the pig vane keeps pointing toward the feed trough.

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once?
→ I'm on the horns of a dilemma here!

Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens?
→ He wanted them to lay coloured eggs!

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
→ Because it was always running out of the pen.

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.

- Boy - said the farmer - that sure makes me want to do the same.

- Well, go ahead - said his girlfriend - It's your cow.

An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm.

They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says:

- You're pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?

The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says:

- One thousand, eight hundred and thirty two.

The farmer is amazed.

- Exactly right - he says - How did you work that out so fast?

- Easy - says the accountant - I counted the number of feet and divided by 4.

On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another.

- Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about - said the city slicker - but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground, wouldn't it save a lot of time?

- Time? - said the farmer.

- What does time matter to a pig?

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:

- What do you use to feed your pigs?

- Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?

- Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes.

Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question.
The farmer answered:

- Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?

- Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.

And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question.
The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes:

- Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.