Animal Jokes — best jokes

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

- How is she now?

- She's fine. But, the dog died.

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces:

- My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here.

- I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!

As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says:

- My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?

The man says:

- Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!

Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice?
→ He was a sherbet!

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
→ Because bad news travels fast!

Why was the man sued by his horse?
→ For palomino-money!

Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
→ He was always standing up on the job!

Why was the horse all charged up?
→ It ate some haywire!

A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work:

- It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink.

His friends at work agree:

- Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else.

He looks at them, stunned:

- You know, you're probably right, but I just can't give up the glamour of show business!

A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."

Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
→ Because it got too heavy to carry.