Best jokes

- All our pigs are learning karate.

- Oh, I don't believe that

- No? Well, just watch out for their chops.

A pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That Ate New York.

A city child came running into the farmhouse.

- No wonder that mama pig is so big - she yelled.

- There's a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
→ A piiig

Why did the pig go to the casino ?
→ To play the slop machine !

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

Someone dialed 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

- It was enough to make anybody faint - he said.

- My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.

After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

In very tiny letters, the stamp said:

- When you can read this, come back and see me.

A man speaks frantically into the phone:

- My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!

- Is this her first child? - the doctor queries.

- No, you idiot! - the man shouts.

- This is her husband!

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.

To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.

I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.

As a reminder, I wrote at the top:

- IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN.

When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message:

- MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT.'

Murphy said to his daughter:

- I want you home by eleven o'clock.

She said:

- But Father, I'm no longer a child!

He said:

- I know, that's why I want you home by eleven.