There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said:
- I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat?
→ Mom! I see an angel.
- Will I ever be able to race my horse again - the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied:
- You certainly will, and you'll probably beat her too!
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why do you need a driver's licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes?
→ Slow clowns.
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks:
- I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says:
- Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?
He replies:
- You didn't use what I got you last year!
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!
The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with its tail!" "What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked. "If I told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe me!"
