Best jokes

- Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?

- No! Did he hurt the cows?

- No, he just grazed them!

- Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies?

- Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!

A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.

- Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones! - the farmer answered.

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says:

- That's great honey! What kind of degree?

And the son, almost squealing with excitement, says:

- The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them - and sometimes with good reason.

- What kind of pie do you call this? - asked one student indignantly.

- What's it taste like? - asked the cook.

- Glue!

- Then it's apple pie - the plum pie tastes like soap.

- Now my motto in life - said the school chaplain - is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?

- My motto is let bygones be bygones.

- That's good. Why did you choose that?

- Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!

A college friend was going to meet a young lady he knew.

- An old flame? - I asked.

He winked and said:

- More like an unlit match.

What do college students and deer have in common?
→ They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires:

- Er... How much for a season pass?

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.