An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.
- I thought I told you to go to the end of the line - barked the NCO.
- Why did you come back?
- Because there's already somebody there!
Shingles were loose on Pennock's roof, and he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor.
- Why don't you mend the roof? - asked Barton.
- I can't today - Pennock replied.
- It's pouring rain.
- Well, why don't you patch it in dry weather.
- It don't leak then!
Wyatt, Milford and Calhoun were standing one on top of the other trying to measure a flag pole.
A man passing by yelled up to them:
- Why don't you guys just take down the pole, lay it down on the ground and measure it?
- We don't wanna measure the length, mister! - Wyatt sneered.
- We wanna measure the height!
Chaffee could talk on any subject whether he knew anything about it or not. Mostly he didn't. One day his neighbor Nibley could stand no more.
- Do you realize - asked Nibley - that you and I know all there is to be known?
- Do you really think so? - said Chaffee.
- How do you figure that?
- Easy - answered Nibley.
- You know everything except that you're a damn idiot. And I know that!
Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.
The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked:
- Have your eyes ever been checked?
- No, - said the worker.
- They've always been brown.
Rigby drove into the city with his girl to catch their first play at a theater.
Rigby rushed up to the box office and said:
- Gimme two tickets for tonight's show.
- Sorry, - said the box office attendant.
- There are no seats left. We have only two standing rooms left.
- Well, I'll be hog tied! Only two left in standing room! - said the farm boy.
- Are they together?
Duayne met Patricia Ann from Birmingham at a Tus-caloosa ballroom.
They danced every dance together. When the evening was over, he asked if he could see her next time he was in town.
- Yes, - replied Patricia Ann shyly.
The young man hurriedly took out his pad and pencil and asked:
- What's your number?
- CApitol 4-6173.
After a long embarrassed pause, Duayne asked:
- How do yew make a capital 4?
Edney and Cole, two Ohio Edison electrical repairmen, were working on a blown house circuit.
- Hey, Cole! - said Edney.
- See those two wires?
- Sure, - Cole answered.
- Now just grab one of them.
Cole grabbed one of the wires.
- Feel anything? - asked his partner.
- Not a thing, - answered Cole.
- Good! - said Edney.
- Don't touch the other one or you'll drop dead!
- Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school?
- Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second.
- Delmer: Why didn't you stay?
- Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later.'
Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house.
- How much you gonna charge me? - asked Guidry.
- Twenty dollars an hour, - replied Plotke.
- Good Lord! - exclaimed the home owner.
- I wouldn't pay Michelangelo that price!
- I tell you one thing, mister, - said the painter.
- If that guy you mentioned is doin' the job for less, he ain't no member of our union!
