Best jokes

- Honey, - said Mrs. Beldon to her husband:

- Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia.

- Encyclopedia, my eye! - exclaimed Beldon.

- Let him walk to school like I did.

Down at the office Bostwick boasted to one of his buddies:

- My son Arthur is smarter even than Abraham Lincoln.

- Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn't say it till he was fifty!

At dinner, Seth said to his father:

- Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your fault.

- How's that? - asked the master of the house.

- Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?

- Yeah, I remember.

- Well, 'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer.

- What are you reading? - demanded the father of his seven-year-old.

- A story about a cow jumping over the moon - was the reply.

- Throw that book away at once - he commanded.

- How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?

An irate father stormed into the principal's office.

- I demand to know - he screamed.

- why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination.

- Now, don't get excited - said the principal.

- We'll get your Winslow's English teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation.

A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived.

- Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final? - demanded the father.

- I had no choice - said the schoolmarm.

- He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it.

- That's no excuse - shouted the father.

- You could have at least given him an 'A' for neatness!

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom.

- Mr. Talbot - said the teacher.

- I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!

- Well, teacher - said Talbot.

- if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!

Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked:

- Tell me, son, did you do it?

- Son: What is an autobiography?

- Father: Er, the story of an automobile.

- Dad, why do you write so slow? - asked Dennis.

- I have to - replied his father.

- I'm a slow reader.

- Dad, do you believe in Buddha?

- Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good.

- Papa, who was Hamlet?

- You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was.