Best jokes

A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but the camel won't budge.

The woman stops and says, "Captain! Do you need some help with the camel?"

The legionarie tells her the camel won't budge but she's welcome to try. The reporter gets out of the jeep, takes two bricks from the back and POW... smashes the camel's testicles with the bricks. The camel makes a terrible noise and runs off into the desert.

The captain drops his pants and says, "Great! Do me next, I've got to catch that son of a bitch!"

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."

The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." poof It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." poof It's done.

The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." poof It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." poof It's done.

The bear is thinking to himself "why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well." "And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female." poof It's done.

The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay." And he rides off on his motorcycle.

- Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name?

- Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell me.

You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you?
→ No. They can't afford the admission.

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. "Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..."
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

- Zoo Keeper: I've lost one of my elephants

- Other Zoo Keeper: Why don't you put an advert in the paper?

- Zoo Keeper: Don't be silly, he can't read!

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?
→ Nothing, he didn't recognize them!

Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left.

"So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned home.

"Great," Little Jordan replied.

"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked Elaine.

"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan, excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?
→ In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

- Fred: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

- Bert: No, what happened?

- Fred: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .

- Bert: What did you do?

- Fred: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.