Guest
Presidential Candidates and a Lightbulb
How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Guest
Politicians Deny It
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
Guest
Politicians and a Lightbulb
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Guest
Republicans and a Light Bulb
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two-one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
→ None, they only screw the poor
Guest
Senators and a Light Bulb
How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Guest
Presidents and a Light Bulb
How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.
→ Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb.
Guest
State of the Union
If the State of the Union is really "the best it's ever been"
Why do we "need" dozens of new government programs to fix it!
Guest
Mugged by a Congressman
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
- Give me your money - he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied:
- Hey, watch it - I'm a United States Congressman!
- In that case, - replied the mugger - give me MY money.
Guest
Social Studies Homework
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks:
- Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?
The father replies without hesitating:
- Oh, about ten percent.
Guest
Election Night Call
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.
- Ma, - he shouted - the results are in. I won the election!
- Honestly?
The politician's smiled faded.
- Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?