Best jokes

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?
→ Neither has he.

What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?
→ Hang herself.

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
→ He thought it was a delivery service.

What's the first problem the MJ's child will have in life?
→ Figuring out which parent is his mother.

What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?
→ Scratching like hell to get out of that box.

What's the new documentary about Madonna going to be called?
→ Missionary Position Impossible.

What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
→ They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Iraqi TV Guide

MONDAY
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 Allah McBeal

TUESDAY
8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror
8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right
9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things
9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers

WEDNESDAY
8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy
9:00 Just Shoot Me
9:30 Veilwatch

THURSDAY
8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi
8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses
9:30 My Two Baghdads

FRIDAY
8:00 Judge Saddam
8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things
9:00 Achmed's Creek
9:30 No-witness News

What did Marv Albert do after NBC gave him the pink slip?
→ He put it on.

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?
→ Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch...