The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:
- Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.
- That is very kind of you - said the doctor emotionally, and then added:
- Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change.
- Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.
- Doctor: You should diet.
- Trish: Really? What color?
- David: My wife beats me, doctor.
- Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
- David: Every time we play Scrabble!
A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
- Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
- Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
- Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
- Man: And the bad news?
- Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
- Man: That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!
- Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!
- Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.
- Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!
- Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
- Patient: Yes.
- Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him:
- I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?
- Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
- Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
- Patient: That's terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?
- Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
- Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
- Nurse: What is it?
- Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!
- Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
- Nurse: No. Is it missing?
- Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
- Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
- Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
- Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?
- Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
