Best jokes

A girl gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on one thigh and a turkey on the other. She wants to show that there is something good to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

What's the difference between true love and herpes?
→ Herpes lasts forever.

So one sperm says to the other:

- When do we get to the ovaries?

The other replies:

- Ovaries! We're not even past the throat yet!

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while:

- Honey, your tits are too small, and your box is too tight.

- Get off my back, dear! - she replies.

What's another term for cunnilingus?
→ Genital Slurpees.

Mongo's old lady decided she wanted to do something special to please him on his birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless panties. That night, as he came into the house, she lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle.

- Hi hon - she purred sexily.

- Y'all want some of this?

- Hell, no! - he hollered.

- Look at what it's done to your undies!

A Ken and Barbie Joke: Why does Barbie never get pregnant?
→ Because Ken always comes in a box!

What kind of Bees make honey?
→ Honey Bees!

What kind of Bees make Milk?
→ BOOBIES!

What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
→ A man will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her), I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him), I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!