A doctor is talking to a car mechanic:
- Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.
- Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
- John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
- Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
- Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
- Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
- Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
- Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
- Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!
- Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
- Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said:
- I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.
- In that case, - said the patient, I'll come back when you're sober
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
- Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
- Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.
The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!
- Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
- Doctor: How do you feel?
- Patient: A little down in the mouth.
- Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
- Dentist: $100.00.
- Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
- Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
