A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
- It`s for my husband - she tells the clerk.
- Did he tell you what gauge to get? - asked the clerk.
- Are you kidding? - she says.
- He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!
One day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement:
- Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.
Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out:
- What's the matter Jim?
Jim shouts back in a nervous voice:
- Throw me my 7-iron... You can't get out of here with an 8-iron!
Your Momma is so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
I Still Miss My Ex..
But My Aim Is Getting Better!
How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose?
→ Several. Ten little piggies, two calves, many hares, one ass and a beaver!
- Your mamma is so ugly, when she was born, she had an incubator with tinted windows
- Your mamma is so ugly, the doctor's still smacking her ass.
- Your mamma is so funky, she used secret and it told on her.
- Your mamma's drawls is so funky, roaches checkin' in but not out.
- Your mamma is so fat, can't wear daisy dukes, wears boss hoggs.
- Your mamma is so fat, police use her as a road block.
- Your mamma is so fat, needs a six-piece bikini.
- Your mamma is so old, she reads the bible and reminises.
- Your mamma's cooking is so bad, the homeless gives it back.
- Your mamma is so short, her feet swings on the toilet.
Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?
→ He didn't see the Ewe turn!
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks:
- What part did you get?
He replies:
- I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congradulated him. And then he said:
- Thats good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!
What has 3 balls and comes from outer space?
→ ET - The extra testicle!
What do you call 3 blondes under a Christmas tree?
→ Ho-Ho-Ho!
