Best jokes

Once there was this guy, lets call him Fred, who had a very small penis. Poor Fred thought if only he had larger equipment then maybe the chicks would like him more.

One day Fred went into the mens room and a very short man dressed in green was standing there peeing. Well, Fred couldn't help but notice what an enourmous penis the man had and he said as much:

- How did it get so big? - he asked incredulously.

- With magic - the man replied.

- I am a leprechaun.

Fred was amazed:

- Can you make mine that big?

The leprechaun could and said he would if Fred would only do him a small favor...to bend over and let him have his way with Fred. Fred agreed and did so. When they were finished he pulled his pants back up and stood.

- How old are you boy? - the man in green asked as he stood at the door.

- Thirty. Why?

- You're thirty years old and you still believe in leprechauns?

There were three guys waiting for a bus on a bench when the first guy farts, 'WHOOOSSHHHHH....' No one brought attention to it. Then suddenly the second guy farts, 'WHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH........' Again, no one thought anything of it until the third guy let one, 'PPPPPPPPUUUUUUHHHHHHHH...' The first two guys then looked at the third guy and simultaneously said, "STRAIGHT."

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her:

- There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal.

- That doesn't matter - replied the blonde.

- if I only can sell the car.

- Okay - said the brunette.

- Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter on your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde:

- Did you sell your car?

- No - replied the blonde.

- why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!

Buckwheat from the Little Rascals became a Muslim.

Now they call him Kareem of Wheat!

I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost fucking impossible!

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.