Best jokes

Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
→ You only have to teach them to take off!

What's the difference between a faggot and a queer?
→ A faggot won't go downtown with you to beat up queers!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Just one ... but the lightbulb has to REALLY want to change!

A blonde was playing Trivia Pursuit and was asked if she was in a vacuum and someone called out her name, would she hear it?

She thought and answered..:

- is it on or off?

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a basement?
→ A whine cellar

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
→ Shut the door, I'm dressing!

How did Stevie Wonder pierce his ears?
→ He answered the stapler (hello? OUCH)

Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.

- Okay Rodge - shouted Barry.

- I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and..

but before he could finish, he heard Roger call:

- But both my legs are broke.

Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was:

- They're broken too!

So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said:

- You right there mate?

to which Rodger replied:

- YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy:

- Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?

The guy replies:

- I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City.

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver:

- Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out:

- I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years.

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister:

- Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

- Just a minute - says the minister.

- That man was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?

- Up here, we work by results - says Saint Peter.

- While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.

A bartender was working the late shift. While he was working, a beautiful blonde woman walked in and took a seat at the bar. She ordered up a Coors and sat there drinking for a while. Suddenly, the woman passed out cold on the stool. The bartender had a sudden thought, and so he cautiously looked around. Seeing that no one was around, he closed up the bar, and took advantage of the situation.

The next night, the bartender was, again, working the late shift, but some of his friends stopped by, so he told them about the previous night and his good time with the blonde woman. All of a sudden, the blonde walks in again. The bartender motions to his friends that she is the same lady. The lady sits down at the bar and orders another Coors. Eventually, she passes out. The bartender closes up shop, and him and all his friends take their turns.

The next night, the bartender is working the late shift. His friends show up, with all of their friends, and so there is a huge crowd in the bar. The woman walks in again, orders a Coors, drinks it, and then passes out. So, the bartender closes up shop, and everyone has a turn.

The next night, even more people are waiting at the bar. The woman walks in and orders a Budweiser.

The bartender, his plans foiled, asks:

- You don't want the usual?

She looks at him for a minute and shakes her head:

- No. Coors makes my pussy sore!