Best jokes

Why don't anteaters get sick?
→ Because they are full of antibodies!

Why do accountants make good lovers?
→ They're great with figures.

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said:

- I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.

The patient asked:

- Oh doctor, what should I do?

The doctor replied:

- Marry an accountant.

- Will that make me live longer? - asked the patient.

- No - said the doctor - but it will SEEM longer.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

- Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.

- Have you tried counting sheep?

- That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.

While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers:

- What is this?

- to which accountant number one replies - it's that $50 I owe you.

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor:

- This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old.

- Where did you get this exact information?

- I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called ship-ment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?

Why do you need a driver's licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Do steam rollers really roll steam?