Women Jokes — most viewed jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Venus de Milo Barbie ...made of rock; no head, no arms

What did God say after creating Adam?
→ I must be able to do better than that.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
→ Put the remote control between his toes.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
→ A widow.

Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
→ They won't stop to ask for directions.

Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
→ So men can be open minded.

How are men and parking spots alike?
→ Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
→ They are all married.

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.

I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.

I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.

I don't whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.

I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It's more fun than dealing with women after all
I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Battering Ram Barbie ...

Barbie's head on the end of a battering ram

Why did the blond jump off the bridge?
→ To see if her maxipad really had wings..

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
→ Because those men already have boyfriends.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

King Kong Barbie ...six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Grunge Barbie ...with flannel shirt and a goatee

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Mafia Victim Barbie ...feet set in cement--she really sinks!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Biker Barbie ...complete with leathers and tattoos