Women Jokes — most viewed jokes

Consider the following: Female guitar player shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string!"

Top 10 things you'll never hear a girl say.

1. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
2. Shouldn't you be out drinking with your friends?
3. Great fart!! Rip another one!
4. Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt.
5. You should see the shit I just birthed.
6. I'd rather play Duke Nukem than go shopping.
7. Let's start subscribing to Hustler.
8. Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?
9. I'll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!
10. Are you sure you've had enough to drink? I'm buying.

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.

They are standing in front of the big silverback gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen.

There he ravishhes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks, "Are you hurt?" She replies, "Of course I'm hurt, he hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

Answering Machine Recording: "You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 now.......

Now press the other one."

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorilla's cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?" she asks.

She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
→ In the pages of a romance novel.

The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close" embroidered on her panties and bra. "Yes Madame," said the clerk. "I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?" "Braille," she replied.

Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?

"Oh", sighed Judy, "I had a wonderful time."

"I thought as much", her mother remarked, "Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!"

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?

Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.

They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!

BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

Damn...did you see the size of that front tooth gap she had? Yeah...

I didn't know wether to smile back or kick a field goal!