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Radio Talk Show

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.

The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation.

The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn't hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...."

"Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?"

"Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"

Tennis Ball

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

Five Floors of Men

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

First Woman Recruit

The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.

It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.

Anti-Aging Cosmetics

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.

Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,...

"Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...

"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted.

"I haven't added them up yet!"

Pig On The Road

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

Male Bashing

Pay back time for the ladies!

  1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
  2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
  3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
  4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
  5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
  6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
  7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
  8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
  9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
  10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
  12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
  13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
  14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
  15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

College Courses for Men

New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women:

  1. Combating Stupidity
  2. You, Too, Can Do Housework
  3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
  4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
  5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
  6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am
  7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")
  8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
  9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
  10. How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong
  11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
  12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
  13. You: The Weaker Sex
  14. Reasons to Give Flowers
  15. How to Stay Awake After Sex
  16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
  17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
  18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
  19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower
  20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
  21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet")
  22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
  23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bullshit
  24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
  25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
  26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
  27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
  28. Mother-in-Laws: They are People Too
  29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
  30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
  31. Seeing the True You (formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Brad Pitt When Naked")
  32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
  33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting TITS From Your Vocabulary
  34. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary
  35. Techniques of Calling Home
  36. Introductory Foreplay: The Drive Home Does Not Count.