Travel Jokes — most viewed jokes

When a blonde goes to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
→ Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.
"She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?" "Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

"How can you tell?" asked the American.

"I can feel the cold air," he replied.

A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds.

"Aah, we're right over my homeland," he said.

"How do you know that?" asked the Russian.

"I can feel the heat of the desert."

Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds.
"Aah, we're right over New York."

The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?" they exclaimed.

The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."

- Policeman: Didn't you see my lights flashing?

- Motorist: No, I was going faster than the speed of light.

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, daddy."

He replied, "How'd you know?"

The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!"

An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained.

"Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied.

"The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist.

"They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained the waiter.

The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious.
Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Today's cojones are much saltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday."

"True, senor," agreed the waiter. "You see the bull, he does not always lose."

What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
→ He ate himself.

One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization.

The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"

Two Scots, father and son, go to America.

- Daddy, when we'll arrive?

- Shut up and swim.

- Policeman: Why have you parked your bus here?

- Bus Driver: The sign says "Bus Stop."