Stats/Math Jokes — most viewed jokes

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says, "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The mathematician says, "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife, you can do some mathematics."

The teacher came up with a good problem.

"Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"

"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.

The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

- Teacher: How much is half of 8

- Pupil: Up and down or across?

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0

- I failed every subject except for algebra.

- How did you keep from failing that?

- I didn't take algebra!

What snakes are good at sums?
→ Adders!

What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?
→ The multiplication table.

- If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

- One dollar.

- You don't know your arithmetic.

- You don't know my father!

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?
→ Square meals!

- Teacher: Can you count to 10?

- Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

- Teacher: Now go on from there.

- Fred: Jack, Queen, King.