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Playing Poker

One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they're having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says "we're playing poker" and the mother says "& I'm his partner".

He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they're doing. The grandfather says "We're playing poker" and the grandmother says "& I'm his partner".

He then goes into his brothers room and he's wanking. He asks what he's doing. The brother says "I'm playing poker".

The other brother asks why he doesn't have a partner and the brother replies, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand !"

Blonde Quickies 81-100

What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
→ Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
→ 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
→ 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
→ Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
→ Who cares?

Why do blonds have orgasms?
→ So they know when to stop having sex!

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
→ She drops her nail-file!!!
→ Who cares?
→ She say 'Next'
→ The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
→ He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
→ The batteries have run out.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
→ They can't remember the number.
→ She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
→ "Thanks for the refill!"

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
→ Data transfer.

Why do blondes have more fun?
→ Because they don't know any better.
→ They are easier to keep amused.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ "What's a lightbulb?"
→ One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
→ Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

What's a blonde's favourite wine?
→ "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

What do you call a basement full of blondes?
→ A whine cellar.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
→ She moved.

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
→ They both have a black box.
→ Both have a cockpit.

What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
→ Not everyone has been in a 747

What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
→ Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
→ "Are you sure it's mine?"

How do you get a blonde pregnant?
→ Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Liberal Party Emblem

The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

Fantastic In Bed

Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what's been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked "How is she in bed?" First guy replies "She's fantastic, she sucks like a real man!"

Desert Camel

A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says "For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes little sucking noises.

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo

it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its 11:00 at the police station...

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

- billi-jo: wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button.

- billy-bob: i know...:> and thats not my finger!! :>